Dearest Amon,

Who we become in this life is our choice.  We practice.  We create. We believe and we become.   Many of us have coaches, teachers, parents, family, friends and other kinds of champions along the way who help us realize our dreams.   You will be one of those people as the village behind you is large and loving.   But much of the journey you will do alone.   Alone except for God.

Don’t ever stop having faith in a higher power that allows you to be a faithful steward of love.   Because when we live a life of compassion and love, and share our commitment to ourselves and our God with others, it is contagious.   We find ourselves surrounded by people who think and feel and believe the way we do.   And that is the gift we are intended to give to others:  permission to lead with love.

Love, Dad

Dear Amon,

Today I found a book in the St. John’s Episcopal Church Bookstore, following services,  while visiting Dindy and Duke in Tallahassee.    The book is titled, You’re Here for a Reason by Nancy Tillman.   Dindy pointed it out to me and I thought it was a wonderful theme.   So I am sending it to you for Easter with an inscription that says:

Dearest son, Amon,  

The day you were born will always be the most magical, fantastic, amazing, miraculous, life-changing and important day in my life.  You ARE here for a reason and aren’t we all lucky.  

Love, Daddy

Below are the words in the book.    

You’re here for a reason, you certainly are.   The would would be different without you, by far.   If not for your hands and your eyes and your feet, the world, like a puzzle, would be incomplete.  

Even the smallest of things that you do, blossom and multiply far beyond you.  A kindness, for instance, may triple for days… or set things in motion in different ways.

It travels much further than you’ll ever know.. under the tree tops… over the snow…til it’s wandered…  and fluttered… and floated… and twirled — making things happen all over the world.

You’re here for a reason.  It’s totally true.  You’re part of a world that is counting on you.   So don’t be too worried if some days fall flat.   Good things can happen even from that.  

Life can be tricky, there isn’t a doubt.  You’ll skin your knees trying to figure it out.   But life works together, the good and the bad, the silly and awful, and happy and sag, to paint a big picture we can’t always see… a picture that needs you, most definitely.  

Remember that next time a day goes all wrong…to somebody else, you will always be strong.   And that ball that you lose or that kite you let go could make someone’s day — you just never know!  

You’re here for a reason.  If you think you’re not, I would just say that perhaps you forgot — a piece of the world that is precious and dear would surely be missing if you weren’t here.   If not for your smile and your laugh and your heart, this place we call home would be minus a part.   

Thank goodness you’re here!   Thank goodness times two!  I just can’t imagine a world without you.

Love, your Dad

 

 

Dear Sweet Boy,

I saw this today online and thought of the kind of positive force I want to be in your life.   I think about all the adults along my path who lifted me up and gave me courage, confidence and strength in myself and my future.  Dindy once gave me a book called Balcony People.  The basic premise was that in our lives we have both “balcony people” who life us up, and “basement people” who pull us down.

In life, find those balcony people and stick with them.   They will help you are your toughest days (as well as the good ones).  Your Grandma Annie is one of those people in my life.  Your Godmother Stephanie is another.  And there were many others along the way.  Someday I will love to share stories about them all.  In the meantime, below are 66 Positive Things I will hope to always say to you.

Love, Dad

February 22, 2016

Dearest Amon James,

My friend Tom spoke to me about his grandmothers’ story that when their people, the Cherokee and Muskogee Indians, were forced to leave North Georgia and walk the Trail of Tears to Oklahoma, the people of their tribe were concerned about leaving their stories behind.   The stories of their truth, their history and their relationship to all the animals, plants, rocks, sky and water of the area.  But they consulted the council grandmother, who reassured them that when they arrived in Oklahoma they would have new stories and new relationships with to all the animals, plants, rocks, sky and water of that new area.  So they must leave their truth behind.

“But Grandmother,” they cried.  “What if the white man steals our truths. Where shall we hide them?  Under the ground?  In the trees?   Behind a rock?”   Grandmother did not hesitate to reply to them.  She said, “our truths will be held in the most sacred place of all, where no one can get to them.  These truths, or these stories, will be hidden in a sweet dream.  No one can take them away from you my children.  So whenever you want to find them, all you have to do is look inside a sweet dream.”

Last night, my son, I found you.  I found you in my sweet dream.  And you ran to me, and I held you with all my heart and all my love, tightly in my arms.    I know that we will never be lost from one another, Amon.  You can always find me, just as I will always find you, inside a sweet dream.

I love you today and always,

Your Father

 

 

Dear Amon,

Today is Valentine’s Day and I am halfway around the planet from you in Amsterdam.  I’ve been in Sweden and The Netherlands this week.   And passing by windows of displays with everything heart shaped, from cookies to pillows to notepads,  I can’t help but thing of #amonsheart and my practice of posting photos around the world with the little fuzzy heart in my hand.   While a substitute for having you with me, it’s a great way to feel connected to you when I am so far away.   It helps me to know that on the other end of this little heart, is it’s nest – a slightly bigger heart, hanging by your crib – and in that crib is YOU! One day soon to be united [soon to be moving into his big boy bed].

They say that absence makes the heart growing fonder.  I don’t think that is true for the love of a parent towards a child.  My fondness for you was a full vessel the moment I laid eyes on you in that hospital in Walnut Creek, 2 years ago last week.   And the only thing that has changed is the intensity of that love as I know you with every passing day, month and year.   I can’t wait to watch your life, my son.   I can’t wait to see all the ways we are different, and learn what you are passionate about and what makes you tick.

So, on this day of love and loved ones, I send you the biggest heart from The Netherlands.

Love, Daddy

 

 

Dear Sweet Amon,

Happy birthday my son.  Today is February 3 and you are 2.  It seems like yesterday I was waiting for your birth in the room next to your Mom and Jo, which you were being delivered.  It was an exciting and happy day.

I love you with all my heart and celebrate this day with you.  It was the day I became your father, making me the luckiest man.   I am thrilled you are here and can’t wait to see the rest of your life unfold.   It is going to be a grand adventure.  We will learn a lot from each other, undoubtedly.   And good or bad, it’s all a gift.

So here’s to two, and ten and twenty and fifty.   I hope to be here for them all.  But even on the days I am not with you in person, I am still with you everyday my son.  One day, if you become a father, you will understand what that means.  A child never leaves your heart for one second.   As I shared with you this fall; I may leave, but I will always come back to you my child.

Happy birthday.

Love, Your Daddy

 

Dear Son,

Today I heard a man talking about being a Shabbos goy.    What is a Shabbos goy, you ask?

A Shabbos goy, Shabbat goy or Shabbes goy (Yiddish: שבת גוי) is a non-Jew who performs certain types of work (melakha) which Jewish religious law (halakha) enjoins the Jew from doing on the Sabbath.

He described his relationship with his next door neighbor, an Orthodox Rabbi, who invites him over to his brownstone on the Sabbath to assist with tasks which require labor or use of modern equipment. For example, the rabbi might ask this man if he is warm, in an attempt to get him to turn on the air conditioning. Or perhaps he might ask if the man is hungry, so he will prepare some food.

It got me thinking;  When is it that I need assistance to do the things I can’t do for myself?  Or when am I called to be of service to others when they need me?  We can’t do the journey alone.   And sometimes other people, with different experiences, may be better equipped to help us achieve certain tasks in life.  Asking for help it a courageous skill.   Many don’t do it until it is too late.   Surround yourself with people who can fill in the gaps of your life when you don’t have the skills or are unable to carry yourself.   In The Big Book of AA, we say; “we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”

Similarly, be of service to others.  This life can be hard and lonely.   Providing the world with our talents is step one, but the we can also seek out others to lend a helping hand.  It might be volunteering in the community, our church, school, hospitals, shelters… or simply to a neighbor or friend in need.  Your Perkins, Foxworthy and Barber families have a tradition of giving back to the community.   There are many people before you who believed that it was our duty to share the burden of our society.   I believe the same.   As a child I volunteered often through Boy Scouts, Church and School.   One day I will share with you the “Pixie Circle” story of the Christmas Dindy had us visit the Cratchits.

Remember, that we are one unified human race.  So regardless of color, culture, religious belief, or nationality, we are all God’s children and part of a human race.   When one suffers, we all suffer.   Look to where you can ease the troubles of your fellow man.  Look to where you can lift him or her up.  Look to where you can fill in the gaps.  Look to where you can be a shabbos goy.  And in return, you will be supported.

Love, Your Dad

 

Dear Amon,

If there were ever three qualities to employ in life during the toughest times, they are:

Laughter, Curiosity  & Kindness

Laughter:  having a sense of humor about everything, even the most seemingly sad, dark or frustrating things in our lives will be your ally.  Surround yourself with people who also chose to be light of heart and see the nonsense in the human experience.   Not only does laughter lighten your heart and soften the heavy hard edges of fear, it also allows you to let go of the structured ideas and see things in a whole new way.  It’s not all so serious my son.

Curiosity:  I’ve referenced this before in other letters, but I have found that looking at life with the objective lens of a third-party observer can be very useful.  Life is a series of good days and bad.  A multi-colored collage of experiences, non stop.   It’s easy to feel like we are tethered to a ship at sea in a storm, where our mood, emotions and stability is dependent on other people, places and things.  When we look at everything as if it s happening to us, it’s hard not to take it all personally.  It is personal.  Very personal.   But when we observe the outside world and what effect it has on us as if we were an outsider to the experience, we can learn to see patterns and solutions we might see otherwise.   Many times over recent years I have found myself saying “this is familiar.  I’ve been here before.  And what I know about these kinds of experiences is ____.  No one left me. I didn’t end up living in a ditch, or I didn’t die.”    Oftentimes it just comes down to that.   Being curious about life gives us more perspective and ultimately humility.

Kindness:  In today’s time, everyone seems to be focused on winning.  And people classify themselves as being part of the winning team.    People seem to be locked into their own needs and positions and rarely do I come across individuals who are willing to put aside their own positions in order to chose to be loving and kind to others.   It’s not always easy and we are taught by society to look out for #1.   Can you win and I win at the same time? We sure can.    But really, it’s not even about the win, but about how you play the game.   Your Dindy has a  little framed saying above her computer desk at home that says, “At the end of the game, the King and the Pawn go back into the same box.”   Treat everyone with love and respect and you will love and respect yourself even more in the end.

Love, Daddy

 

 

Dearest Amon,

One of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves is an openness – both an open mind and heart – to cultivate in ourselves the willingness to see the world through the eyes of others.  Other genders, races, cultures, orientations of all kinds.  Too often the greatest battles and the smallest feuds begin with a hard lined view of what is right or wrong according to our own world-view.  When we take the time to soften the edges of our belief systems, we can we begin to make out the fuzzy-lined edges of a new reality.  A different reality.  Someone else’s reality.  Not right or wrong.  Just different from ours.

Going through life without bias or judgement is nearly impossible.  Our beliefs and even values come from our unique walkabout.  The benefit of being firm in our convictions is a strength of knowing our way.   But life will toss you into the air and you may not always land on your feet.   Sometimes we land on our heads, where everything is upside down.  In these times, it’s best we soften our view and look at the world through another lens.    And being open to other cultures, religions, and perspectives will be a tremendous asset.   So too will a willingness to stop and try to imagine what the world is life for the other people you encounter.  Because you can be sure, it’s not the same as yours.

So travel the world.  The one outside your country and the outside yourself.  And always employ curiosity as you observe the ways others live.  Take those lessons into your own life and use them to be a better man.

Love, Dad

 

 

 

Dear Amon,

Today I came across this photo of you and was immediately struck by how much you look like me as a child.   And in this photo I see your grandmother Dindy’s crinkled up, twinkling eyes.   Those warm eyes come from  your great-granddaddy Lewis Barber.   As a parent, I find myself looking for the familiar in you.  I do the same with your cousins; John, Julia and George.  I see physical mannerism or features that remind me of members of our family.    And it makes me wonder how you will be like your mother and how you will be like me.   When you were born, we teased that you had all of our finest qualities and none of our flaws.  In reality you get both and your own unique qualities that are 100% Amon.

It easy to try to make you “our” son and place expectations that you will be all the things we want and expect you to be.  And that is a good thing in many ways as the fine qualities and values your mother, Jo and I bring to the plate will undoubtedly help you to become a high caliber human.   Jo calls it the Varsity Team.   And there are basic quality of grace, kindness, forgiveness and charity I hope I will instill in you, as they were given to me.

But in the desire for you to become what we want for you, there is a wide band for your own growth and development.   I oftentimes say that as humans we are allotted 80, 90 or maybe a century of living  – if we are lucky.  And in that period of time God gives each of us  a blank canvas and we then acquire a box of paints, brushes and tools which grows along the way.  The richness of our lives and experiences is what brings us new colors and brushes.   It’s up to us to make our own masterpiece, not others.  We must listen to our own voice.  We must test.  We must experiment and we must fail.   But fail often and quickly, so that we may learn from those mistakes to create a greater work of art that is our life.   And only you can show the world what that is.

Love, Daddy